I have come to the conclusion that, when it comes to dating, we either don’t have it all or…we just don’t know how to go about things. I did a survey with single guys from different backgrounds, all with qualities women look for in a man. Here’s what they say we do wrong when it comes to dating:
Talking Too Much
The dude you’ve had your eye on finally asked for your number… and actually used it! You’re so geeked about your new boo, you can’t wait til he calls to talk about everything.
STOP! This is where we go wrong. You tell your new boo about your fuckboy ex, how your bestie is secretly jealous of you and how her boyfriend gave her an STD. You’ve told him so much, you feel like he knows your whole life, yet you know nothing about his.
Telling your new boo how your ex messed you over won’t make him feel sorry for you. It just makes you look bitter. Even worse, he may use this information to his advantage, doing everything your man didn’t do just so he can get what he wants out of you. We tell men everything about us, what we like, and don’t like. That’s giving him the playbook on how to get you. Give these men a chance to show you who they are before you tell them who you need them to be. Plus, when you get to talk too much, Ms. Girl, he doesn’t have to. You could have a potential fuck boy in front of you and you’d never know it, because you didn’t give him a chance to speak.
Then, there’s the gossiping with your guy. Little girl, find you another friend and stop talking about your bestie’s business with him. You’re only going to make him frown up like he’s been sucking on a sour pickle when he sees those people you talk about to him. It’s not his business that your bestie’s boyfriend stole money from her. Keep your past (and your friend’s business) to yourself!
Thinking He’s Your Man Before He’s Your Man
SMH! This is by far the worst thing that we as women do! I wish we’d stop this shit. You treat a man that’s not your man like he’s your man. He ain’t your man if the only pictures of him you posting on Instagram are of his leg and his arm, him with an emoji over his face. Or if you can only refer to him in your Facebook posts as “boo”, “bae”, “him”, and never by his name. Hell, you can’t even tag him! Yet, as soon as you catch him with another girl, the first thing he’ll be quick to remind you that you and he were never a “we”.
Now you feel stupid, and will either move on and start all the way over finding someone else, or keep messing with the same guy and hope you’ll be his official girlfriend one day. As I said before, Date Selfishly! Don’t give one man all of you until he’s officially yours and, for damn sure, don’t spend too much time on a man who won’t commit. Don’t call him “bae” or “boo” until you can call him “my boyfriend “. My favorite line is “don’t do wifey shit for a fuckboy (or a guy that’s not yours)!”
There’s no time limit on sex, but if you’re looking for a relationship, you shouldn’t be jumping into bed with a man who hasn’t given you “the title” yet. There isn’t a guy walking on this earth who had it easy when it comes to me. You will not be getting my shit in a week or two, boo. The thrill is gone after that! I know there are women who just want to have fun, but even if you’re not a relationship girl, you at least need to be able to call on him when you need him. He needs to be offering more than just dick, even if that’s all you want. Don’t sleep with men who won’t even take you to the ice cream truck that’s parked in front of your house. If you’re not going to make him wait for it, make him put a little work in for it! Make him care about you as a person before you introduce him to your kitty, baby girl.
And when the time comes, don’t play shy when you guys finally have sex. Shy sex equals bad sex and you don’t want to add another worthless number under your belt. Trust me.
Having Too Much Pride
Screaming “I don’t need a man” won’t get you a man, boo! Bragging about how much wealth you’ve acquired on your own without the help of a man is only setting a trap for a fuckboy to come use your ass for all those coins you claim to have. A real man doesn’t care if you are independent or not. Real men are raised to take care of their women, anyway. You don’t get a day in Black History Month for being the first African American woman who has her own! Honey, we are everywhere! Some of you are just that: independent. Bring something to the table you bought besides a check. Yes, you got your own money, but you lack sex appeal, have no personality, bad hygiene, miserable, mean, clueless, and nagging. Being perfect on paper doesn’t mean you’re perfect in person.
Working Too Hard to Get Him
Love, I cannot say this enough: YOU are the catch! Stop going into dating thinking you have to win him over. Ms. Girl, he needs to win you over. He needs to convince you to give him a piece of a chance. We have power, so act like it, boo. It’s a privilege for him to be sucking the air you’re breathing. Anytime you let a guy see you’re working overtime to prove yourself worthy, he’ll pick up on it like a dog picks up on fear. That never ends well.
Losing yourself in a man
We try to so hard to keep the relationship going and end up putting the relationship before ourselves. Everything shouldn’t be what he wants and needs. He doesn’t like your friends because they keep you out all night, so you cut them off. He doesn’t like that you and your sister talk on the phone all day, so you stopped calling her. He prefers girls with long hair, so you grew your hair out. When is it going to be about you? Don’t make him your whole world! Keep a life outside of him, honey. As Beyoncé said, “you have to have your own life before you become somebody’s wife”.
When we deal with men, we sometimes go about things the wrong way. I’ve seen these problems in myself, as well as other women, so I felt comfortable writing this article. Everything I mentioned in this article is only for the greater good of us. I honestly want to see women happier and being loved by someone who’s worthy. I want us to WIN and when I see areas we’re lacking in, I speak on them!